Thoughts early on a New Year’s Day

This post seems a little out of place in my mind.  It really has nothing to do with my program, because I am back at my parent’s house in Michigan and not in Biloxi.  Looking outside, it is dark, white and snowing.  Yuck.  My last day in Michigan until August is going to be spent shoveling snow when I wake up.  Again, yuck.  It’s no longer 2007.  That year is over for those of us who subscribe to the Gregorian calendar.  If I were Chinese, I would laugh at that last sentence.  They last saw the 2ooo’s some 2000 years ago.  Actually, I’m not Chinese (obviously) but that still makes me laugh.  Time is funny that way, in that it is a man-made thing; it isn’t real.

But here I am, on the morning of New Year’s Day, 2008, and it feels very real to me.  My life keeps going forward, and I guess I just want to take stock of it right now, although that might be the wine talking (thank you Lisa!).  2007 was very interesting and very good to me.  I graduated college, I had the best summer job/ internship this summer at Minute Man National Historical Park in Concord, MA, Katie was married and I reconnected with very important people, I joined a great organization when I stepped on the plane to Sacramento, and I met and became friends with wonderful people who I can gratefully call my teammates.  It was a blur.  How many more of my years will feel as though I’ve lived four or more lives? 

If I were to make a list of all the experiences I’ve already had in my life, I think even I would be shocked and impressed by it.  Yet I still feel like there’s something missing from all that I’ve done.  That life just isn’t quite what I expected it to be.  Are my expectations too high?  Unrealistic?  Am I one of those idealists who will become jaded with life because it is constantly disappointing me?  Am I already?  Is there anything I can do about it?

I feel like if there is a way for me to not be so jaded with the human experience, I am already doing it.  Being with my team, my Red 1, right now is refreshing for me.  AmeriCorps in general feels like the right thing for me to be involved with.  My teammates are, for the most part, positive in attitude and strong in their belief that people can make a difference in this world.  That things can be better and we can do something about it.  I am drawn to people like that, because by and large, I have a hard time believing that. 

In spite of everything good that has happened to me, 2007 will always be a shady year for me for that reason.  I always had the thought in the back of my head that life is pointless.  It’s a difficult thought to shake away, once it has entered your head.  And it brings me to my resolution for 2008: find meaning in everything worthwhile I do this year and beyond.  I know working with NCCC will help me with that, but I need to work on making myself see meaning in little things, everyday things. 

I need to smile more.  To laugh more.  To love more.  I need to remember that people are important too.

Everyone needs those things, but I want them for myself again.

2008 is going to be a lot of work for me.  These are not simple resolutions that can be fulfilled with a little bit of will power.  These are resolutions that need to be worked upon in the quiet moments of the day, everyday, inside myself.  They will be difficult, but then again, that is why they are worthwhile.

Happy New Year.  To a happy, safe, successful 2008 for one and all!